Tips and tricks from our community members.
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my list of consequences when you are not taking care of yourself. Alright, here we go.
- Physical appearance; ever have someone say to you “man, you look really tired” it’s not a compliment. The reality is, if you’re not setting boundaries or being disciplined, you won’t get your sleep in and your whole body including your outer appearance will reflect it. Another example is your weight, your skin, you hair, your physical body is trying to communicate something to you, if it’s not getting what it wants, it’ll tell ya. In the form of disease, pain, and little things like your hair falling out or your nails breaking easily. Your physical appearance, while not as important as the media would like you to believe, it’s important, but in a different way. It’s trying to communicate to you. Listen. Take care of it.
- Depression; Depression looks different to everyone. Is it a lack of self care that causes the depression or is it the depression fueling the lack of self care? Are you able to recognize it in yourself? Do you have an escape route, other than drugs, drinking, numbing etc? If not, hey, that’s okay, you’re using the tools you have to deal, and I’m not saying right or wrong, all I’m asking is, whichever came first and you give yourself even the smallest bit of self care, and I mean right now, right in this moment. Can you stop for a second, maybe even pause this episode, and pay yourself the smallest of compliments. Say one thing you are grateful for and know that you are not alone.
- Codependency; Now the only codependent relationship I’ve ever seen be successful is the one between a dog owner and their dog, but outside of that, they never last. You cannot find your worth in making others happy. You cannot get your needs met trying to please others. You cannot depend on an expected outcome in order to feel any certain type of way. You can’t. Take my word for this one. I have tried. It doesn’t work. You end up resenting who ever your trying to be dependent on, unless that person it YOU. You have to figure out how to give yourself the 6 basic needs every human has; certain, uncertainty, significance, connection or love, growth and contribution.
- Kills confidence; When you’re last in line in your life, you will learn to not trust yourself. You will believe that you are not important, that what you have to say, that where you want to eat at, and the goals and changes you are trying to make don’t matter. And then as you question yourself, and you start to mistrust yourself, your confidence dies, and then you become needy and insecure looking all around you for what it is you cannot get from outside. This shit I’m talking about, it’s all an inside job. You want to be confident? You want to know what you want? You want your goals to become a priority? Well them make a plan to take care of yourself this weekend. Don’t overhaul your life and tell your partner and kids to screw off because Momma needs some “me” time, but yeah, make some real changes. You know? “Thursday” is “Me Party” night where I get to watch the shows I like, or I don’t have to do chores and I just get to read a good book. Whatever, self care is to you, you’ve got to make it a consistent priority or you will lose sight and your confidence will die.
- Ineffective decision making; What do you want to do this weekend? “I dunno, what do you have in mind” and BAM just like that you are in the trap of ditching the self care to let someone else’s needs or wants come first. If you’re not taking care of yourself, and you can’t tell if it’s affecting you, listen to #5 again. Ineffective decision making, it means you can’t make up your mind. And yes that might make you appear as a go with the flow kinda person, good for you, but if you really know the answer is “I need to chill the fuck out this weekend, and not do anything” and you really say “I dunno” you are setting yourself up for failure. Another example; “What’s for dinner”? If you have no earthly idea what the hell you are eating at any given moment and it’s a total crap shoot, thats a sign that you’re lacking self-care. Taking care of yourself means knowing what you want, and saying it. If you struggle with this and it’s a big issues for you. Hang tight I got some solutions coming up.
- Disconnection from self; Do you know yourself? I mean do you really understand and know yourself? How much time do you spend by yourself? Or in the bigger picture, how much time have you spent single? Do you really know what’s important to you? What your core values are? What are some of your “deal breakers”? If you can rattle off the answers to these questions, high five honey, you’ve got this! But if you’re like “huh” self-care is what the doctor ordered. Time to check yourself and get in touch! Another great example of disconnection from self is; have you, or someone you know complained about an ailment, and finally gone to the doctor and it’s some major thing that has gone undiagnosed for like ever because they didn’t realize they were that “hurt”. When you are disconnected from yourself, it’s like you’re already a zombie, you’ve already succumbed to death. You have got to nurture your relationship with yourself, you have got to get to know you! It’s the longest relationship you’ll ever be in, so start getting to know you and falling in love with you, start by writing a list of the things that make you uniquely you; for me it would be; I love Pearl Jam, I want to see Paris, I play softball and do yoga, I believe in ghosts and love the color blue. I have a collection of rocks from places I’ve been. I love my laugh! I have my grandma’s chin, and love pickles, I can put them on anything. These are things that make me uniquely me. What are yours?
- Uncontrollable emotional; Outbursts, we’ve all had them, we all “lose it’ sometimes, but if it’s happening a lot, as in every few weeks, it’s time to check in and really look at what’s going on. Now I’m not saying we all have to be even keel or we are failing at self care, but if we are on the right path and the self care is priority, then the emotions tend to regulate themselves. We are all going to have shit hit the fan, that’s the truth. All humans experience suffering, the trick is to be connected and self compassionate enough to make it through the shit without flying off the charts with emotional reactions. And I don’t just mean the bad ones, like anger, or yelling, I also mean like over enthusiasm that over commits you to a hundred fundraisers every weekend for a year type stuff. I also include in that example how being overly giving and wanting to help, while totally valuable emotions and good, in excess they can cause you harm.
- Time: You don’t get to do what you want to do: we just talked about how important it is to know yourself, and a major consequence to not taking care of yourself is time. You are not guaranteed tomorrow. You might win the lotto you might meet the person of your dreams, you might get hit by a bus, the uncertainty of life is endless, and when you put your needs last, you are depriving yourself of the greatest gift we’ve all been given and that is the human experience, the time here on earth, no matter what your religious or philosophical beliefs are, the time we have in time is all that is ours. Don’t give it away. Don’t waste it, enjoy it. How do you enjoy it, do the things you love! If you hate something don’t do it. Are you happy with your current state of affairs? Are you getting what you want from this life? If not, can you do one small thing for yourself this weekend, can you take time to do something that replenishes you? Can you make what you want a priority? Is there a goal that you want to start working towards? Why hold back, get out there and go get it!!!